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Divorce is never easy, but as any divorce lawyer can attest, it can be especially difficult if your spouse is a narcissist.
Achieving a quick, easy, and amicable divorce requires cooperation, consideration, and a willingness to negotiate for a fair outcome.
If that is missing from the process and it becomes a battle of entitlement and superiority, it is hard for things to end on a good note.
If there is one time that you might really need the services of an experienced divorce attorney is it when facing ending a marriage with someone with narcissism.
What Is Narcissism?
Narcissism is a complex personality disorder that causes those with it to display unpredictable and many times emotionally abusive behavior to others while making themselves the center of attention.
It can be very difficult living with a person who suffers from this personality disorder, especially if there is related abuse in the relationship.
Many marriages that involve such a person end with a call to a divorce lawyer to get advice and begin proceedings.
Part of the problem with this personality disorder is that it is technically a sickness, which causes many of the narcissist’s victims to overlook the abuse since the person “can’t help it.”
While this may be true, neither overlooking the abuse or the abuse itself is conducive to a healthy marriage.
The issue that many divorce attorneys see is that while it can be very hard staying in a marriage with a narcissistic spouse, divorcing one can be just as hard.
How Can Narcissism Affect A Divorce?
The issue with divorcing a narcissist is that keeping the proceedings friendly and unemotional requires the willingness of both spouses to talk things out with each other and their divorce lawyers, to negotiate and compromise, which is hard for a person with this personality disorder to do.
They tend to inflate their importance, have grandiose feelings of entitlement, see themselves as doing no wrong, and often play the victim even if it means lying.
This is all counter-productive to positive divorce negotiations and many times results in fighting, extreme emotions, the abused spouse being seen as the “bad person” in the relationship, and other things that can affect the whole outcome of the divorce unless the behavior is recognized and can be negated by skilled attorneys.
What Are Some Tips for Divorcing A Narcissist?
When seeking a divorce from a narcissistic spouse, here are a few tips on how you and your divorce attorney should handle the situation:
- Learn a little bit about the illness and what goes on in a narcissist’s mind to stay one step ahead. There are two different kinds, grandiose and vulnerable, and they act slightly differently in difficult situations. Learn some tactics for negotiating with your spouse as this might help things.
- Start preparing all records like bank statements, tax returns, insurance paperwork, vehicle details, real estate records, investment records, phone records, and anything else your lawyer needs to build a case before actually filing papers so you have it all ready.
- Get a counselor, therapist, or divorce coach to help if the situation turns nasty - remember, you are not the bad person here and the failure of this marriage with a narcissistic spouse is most likely not your fault.
- Consider the different arguments that might come up and pick battles wisely. Let your spouse “win” some of the less important ones while your divorce attorney stands firm on the more important ones.
- Hire a highly experienced lawyer, one who has specific experience negotiating with narcissists and their attorney.
Do Not Let A Narcissistic Spouse Make Divorcing A Nightmare
Getting a divorce is stressful enough even in the best of times.
If divorcing a narcissistic spouse, partnering with an attorney who has experience in difficult negotiations and demanding cases is the best recommendation.
There is no fault for such a personality disorder so don't place the blame on yourself.
A skilled divorce lawyer can assist through this challenging process and defend your rights against a narcissist spouse.
