Divorce can be stressful on family relationships long after they happen.
When couples with children of any age end their marriages, divorce lawyers find that the strain on their children can be ongoing in certain ways.
Though most adult children of divorced parents do find their ways to maintain appropriate relationships, many divorce attorneys see the holidays as being a chief ongoing stressor.
This 2-part article series outlines some important suggestions to help adult children of divorced parents get through the holidays with as little friction as possible when mom and dad are still less than agreeable about it.
1. Acknowledge The Feelings
The holidays can get super demanding when a parent’s expectations conflict and weigh heavily and feelings can end up hurt.
As upsetting as it may be for everyone, each person is also entitled to have their own feelings about it.
Divorce lawyers recommend acknowledging everyone’s feelings and why they feel that way to reduce the chance of people feeling unacknowledged.
Acknowledging those feelings does not mean you should be expected to flex one way or the other.
Instead, it is a starting point for trying to get through the holidays with compromise and without ruining the holidays for yourself.
Although some disappointment may happen, acknowledging feelings at the start can help.
2. Set Some Limits
Setting limits on what you can and want to realistically accomplish is key to avoid unintentionally causing more friction.
Limit setting is something that divorce attorneys frequently discuss with their clients in relation to managing personal relationships, something that adult children must then learn to practice on their own, too.
Setting limits and sticking to them is critical to prevent the burnout and frustration that can end up causing you to cancel on loved ones when things get too hectic.
Your time is just as important as the time and effort you will divide between your divorced parents.
3. Don’t Try To Be Perfect
Divorce lawyers see that all too often, people get caught up in trying so hard to make a perfect holiday for those around them that they forget to enjoy it themselves.
There really is no such thing as a perfect holiday like the ones we see on TV and every family is different in how they deal with their own difficulties.
When little things go wrong or you are unable to satisfy everyone’s last little whim, don’t let it ruin things for you.
Learn to accept the little issues that you cannot change and move on with the more important ones.
4. Everyone Deals In Different Ways
As difficult as it can be to understand this fact, divorce attorneys emphasize that different people deal with their emotional pain and dissatisfaction in different ways.
Divorced parents may be upset that they won’t see you or the grandkids as often or as long as they want to over the holidays and may act out about it.
Remember to acknowledge their feelings and stick to your limitations while keeping in mind that how understanding they are or are not is just each person’s ability to deal with the situation.
Your way to deal with it is to be understanding and to do what you can to balance people’s wishes, but without ignoring your own needs, or those of your immediate family.
Holidays With Divorced Parents Takes Understanding
Dealing with the split family issues that come with a divorce can be challenging, from the early stages when divorce lawyers work out child custody concerns well into adulthood for some.
When divorced parents put pressure on their adult children at holiday time, those children of divorce trying to please everyone must step back and do so with a plan.
Acknowledgment, understanding, and compromise can go a long way towards keeping the peace during the holiday season.
Still, divorce attorneys advise clients who are adult children of divorce that they should not feel obliged to ruin their own holidays while trying to provide the perfect occasion for everyone else.
Find a few more tips on surviving the holidays with divorced parents in Part 2 of this article series!
Reynaldo Garza, III - Attorney at Law
680 East St. Charles St, Suite 600
Brownsville TX 78520
956-300-2260
Adults With Divorced Parents – Surviving The Holidays Part 1
Adults With Divorced Parents – Surviving The Holidays Part 2
