One of the challenges of divorces that involve children is ironing out child custody orders in ways that protect the best interest of the child.
Although divorce lawyers and the family court give every parent the chance to play an active part in the raising of their child in a co-parenting arrangement, there are times when an absentee parent waives their right by simply not being there.
Many divorce attorneys find that where problems can arise is when that absentee parent returns and expects everything to pick up as if they had never left.
In the interest of protecting the child, situations involving the return of an absent parent and ex-spouse must be handled very carefully.
What Defines An Absentee Parent?
An absentee parent is one who is not present for parenting ;for whatever the reason may be.
In circumstances of divorces and custody arrangements, divorce lawyers frequently see this with ex-spouses who disappear and choose not to exercise their parental rights and co-parent with their ex.
They are uninvolved in parental decisions, have no or little communication with the child or their ex-spouse, and do not seek visitation with their child.
Some who make weak attempts to stay involved but always fall through may also be considered absent parents.
What Happens When A Parent Has been Absent?
When parents negotiate custody agreements with their divorce attorneys, the arrangement is made under the assumption that both parents will abide by their part of the agreement for the benefit and enrichment of the child.
A parent who removes themselves from the child’s life for an ongoing period of time can be legally considered an absent parent by the courts, sometimes after as little as one year without significant contact.
The parent with conservatorship and their divorce lawyer may then petition the family court to legally remove the absent parent from the custody agreement, revoking any and all parental rights.
At that point, a step-parent may even be awarded co-conservatorship if there is one involved and it is in the child’s best interest.
It can create challenging situations if the absent ex-spouse suddenly returns, expecting to be able to get involved and make decisions again.
How Should You Handle The Sudden Return Of An Ex-Spouse?
Whether an ex-spouse’s return is prompted by personal growth and realization, or by any other reason, negotiating this kind of transition should be done carefully:
- Discuss It - Why do they want to re-enter your and your child’s life? Talk about their absence, what they expect to change now, and what their willingness is to work together to re-establish a positive relationship with the child. Be sure to involve your child in portions of this conversation so they are aware of what is happening and can voice their opinions and concerns, too.
- Set Up Boundaries - An absent parent cannot expect to simply show up one day and everything to be the way it was before they left. Boundaries that protect your child’s feelings and security, your feelings, and any legal boundaries must be set up at the beginning. Trust, within all involved, will take time to develop and consistency will be the key.
- Get It In Writing - Like any other legal arrangement, get thoughts, hopes, and aspirations for the reforming of this relationship in writing. Include agreed-upon boundaries and limitations as well. This is a critical time when you might want to involve your divorce attorney who can advise you on the best and safest ways to ease back into co-parenting.
- Create A Co-Parenting Plan - If co-parenting is once again the goal, work together to create a feasible plan and also a backup plan should your ex disappear again. Talk to your attorney about permanent custody orders and whether it is advisable or necessary to refer back to the courts about the current custody order at any time. Naturally, if there is a step-parent who has been granted custody rights involved as well, they should be included in all of this planning and negotiation as well.
Always Discuss Custody Concerns With A Skilled Divorce Lawyer
Absent parent situations are always unfortunate, especially for the child involved.
If you are dealing with an absent ex-spouse situation or an absent ex-spouse who has suddenly returned expecting to be a parent again, enlist the help of a knowledgeable divorce lawyer to work things out.
If you need to renegotiate the custody agreement or simply work out a new one, a divorce attorney can help you do that while also protecting the best interests of you and your child!
