Whether parents divorce when their children are young or already adults, divorce lawyers know that holidays can be trying times for families even many years later.
In this continuation to Part 1 in this series on surviving the holidays with divorced parents, divorce attorneys focus on how the adult children of divorce can get through without losing the joy of the season.
1. Understand That You Cannot Make Everyone Happy
Every person is different and have individual ways that make them happy.
The most important point that any divorce lawyer can highlight as split families head into the holidays is that it is impossible for any one person to make everyone else happy.
Even in the best of times, it is not realistic.
Do not exhaust yourself trying to people-please by taking on too many obligations when others are not compromising with you.
It is a two-way street requiring understanding both ways and you cannot make every person or parent happy.
Do what you can within your limitations, then focus on having your own happy holiday.
2. Set Realistic Expectations and Goals
A part of setting limits knowing that you cannot make everyone happy is having realistic expectations and goals for what you hope to achieve with respect to your divorced parents over the holidays.
Divorce attorneys suggest deciding ahead of time about how you will split time with divorced parents, what days they will get, what will happen on those days, and how to handle meals, gift-giving, and other details.
Create a schedule early, notify those involved with it, and stick to it knowing that part of your schedule should include plenty of time reserved for yourself.
3. Create New Holiday Traditions
A positive way to keep the holidays happy and reduce the stress of dealing with the challenges of split families is to create new traditions to replace the ones that can no longer be continued.
New traditions that individually include divorced parents can give everyone the opportunity to experience the positive meaning and love behind holiday traditions.
It is a recommendation that many divorce lawyers who are skilled at family negotiations find to be very successful in divorced families with adult children stuck in the middle, trying to help everyone find happiness at this time.
4. Do Not Blame Yourself
Most importantly, attorneys stress to all adult children of divorce the importance of understanding that the challenges are not your fault.
You should not blame yourself when someone is unhappy or unwilling to compromise, when painful memories come up, or when you have to separately share your time between two parents.
Maintain your limitations and keep your expectations realistic, try not to let memories of holidays as a whole family sabotage your current holidays, and admit to the feelings, then try to move on more positively.
You Can Survive The Holidays With Divorced Parents
The most stressful part of celebrating the holidays as the adult children of divorced parents is knowing how to juggle separate family time.
What divorce lawyers can suggest is for people to focus on their own goals, expectations, and limitations first, then work their parents individually into those plans.
With compromise from all and some new traditions to provide an opportunity for parents to retain their bonds with their adult children, divorce attorneys find that it is possible for everyone to have a happy holiday season without the frustration.
Reynaldo Garza, III - Attorney at Law
680 East St. Charles St, Suite 600
Brownsville TX 78520
956-300-2260
Adults With Divorced Parents – Surviving The Holidays Part 1
Adults With Divorced Parents – Surviving The Holidays Part 2
